It is a fact that the rate of couples agreeing to get married have started to decrease while according to a statistics, 50% of couples are more likely to get divorced during their first marriage. This statistics has not changed for over three decades. Different factors affect why partners divorce such as religious belief and their level of education. Some couples would resort to divorce right away as they consider it as the best choice for the both of them while there are those that believed that they could save their marriage by solving their differences. Hence, this is when marriage counselling services comes into the picture.
Reasons why couples need to partake in marriage counselling from a Psychologist
In a rocky marriage, the most common challenge for partners is that they do not have an idea when exactly is the right time to seek for counselling. If you belong either in one of following situations, then it is time to find a psychologist to help you salvage your union.
No open communication between the husband and wife:
Once you felt that your level of communication has deteriorated, it would be hard to start over again. It is what they termed as negative communication. Once you speak to your spouse, and you feel depressed, disregarded or want to stop the conversation right away then it is a red flag for your marriage. Keep in mind that the words are not the most hurtful but on how a person says it can affect the way a conversation is going. It could also lead to your partner saying something that might hurt you or scar you for life.
You or your spouse thinks of having a third party or is currently involved in an affair :
Many marriages have recovered even after an extramarital affair, but it is not an easy process. It needs both the husband and wife to make a lot of efforts. The couple should not only be willing to forgive, but they should also be committed to the resolution of their marriage and forget the past so they can move on to the future. One method may not be useful for all couples thus it is important that the partners are willing to undergo therapy for saving their marriage.
Partners are acting like roommates:
You may be living under one roof with your spouse, but it does not mean that you are interacting like married couples. There are those that are more like roommates. It might not indicate a troubled marriage, but a professional psychologist will be able to help them to find out what is lacking from their marriage and help them on their way back to achieving the intimacy they once have.
Both husband and wife are on a dead end on how to solve the conflicts between them:
There is no perfect marriage. So both parties need to make big efforts to sustain their marriages. If the couple has a hard time in solving things on their own, it is not a shameful thing to be asking for help from someone who is a professional in the field.
Less than 5% are undergoing professional marriage counselling before they decide to part ways
Once you have chosen to give marriage counselling a chance, you will be able to reap the benefits afterwards. While it does not guarantee that it can save your marriage, at the very least, it will help you know that moving on is the best option. According to research, not even 5% of divorcing partners are out to seek marriage counselling before deciding to finalise the divorce. Seeking help is necessary, so you will be able to earn the right to leave the marriage if that is the case. Divorce should not be the first consideration unless the couple has exhausted every chance of saving the marriage. They should be able to look their partner in the eyes and say that they have tried everything before coming to a conclusion of divorce. Many couples that have divorced have not even sought to counsel professionals before deciding to go their separate ways. It is also important that couples should go to counselling on the early stage of marriage. According to a professional psychologist, Dr Gottman, majority of the couples are waiting for an average of six years before trying for marital counselling. Six years is a long time to be living with someone you are no longer happy with or having trouble with every single day. Thus, it is important to seek professionals help as early as possible to avoid further distancing from your partner.
Benefits offered to couples after they have undergone professional help from a Psychologist
- Improve communication with your partner
- Learn how to argue in a healthier manner
- Find out how to resolve your differences and future problems in a more productive setting.
- Learn to express the right emotions and be able to disclose painful ones with the prospect of resolution.
- Know how to tell your partner about your needs and be open to everything that is going on in the relationship.
- Be able to solve issues that might attack your marriage in the future.
- Learn how to compromise so that you may accept any changes that might occur in the relationship
Skills that couples can learn from marriage counselling
Aside from the benefits, you and your partner will also be able to learn a few skills while seeking professional help. You will be able to understand your spouse’s world and vice versa. It means getting to know more about their wishes, their goals in life, what makes them happy, their dreams and even their everyday worries. You will also get to know the love language that your spouse uses. Meet their needs according to what they want and not what you want. Lastly, it is important to master the skill of repairing a conflict. Married life is not always sunshine and rainbows. There will be conflicts along the way, and it is important to learn how to resolve them to have a peaceful and long lasting married life.